vulnerability — Blog Posts

I was not prepared to experience this kind of pain. For me, rising in grief has become a regular behavior, one I constantly learn from.

When I feel the doom set in, I rise in the acceptance of the things I cannot control. On good days, I rise in the memory of what I cannot have. Some days I rise to love myself enough to feel the pain of this loss. I rise in grief. I rise in love. I rise in discomfort. I rise in gratitude. Over and over again, I rise.

Trigger Warning. This post discusses pregnancy loss.

You've Changed. Now Let the World Know.

An internal revolution has happened, yet the world around you has not changed one bit and you need to re-emerge and find your new place in it. You now need to be seen again and in order to do that, you need to be willing to show yourselves.

How do you do that when you’re not sure what you’re showing because you don’t know who you’ve become yet?

Struggling with Gender Identity, Sexuality, and Duality

Growing up as a tomboy is difficult. Coming out and coming to terms with my sexuality in my teens was more difficult. Fighting the urge to conform to societal standards and finding confidence to be myself was beyond difficult. In the battle to choose between male and female, I was losing myself. It took time, a number of unfortunate situations, and a hair cut to help me figure out exactly who I was meant to be in this world.

I Fell Off the Vulnerability Wagon

I hid behind perfectionism in order to not be seen. My particular brand of perfectionism was made up of self-righteous overachievement combined with a healthy dose of internal shame and contempt. Flawless and selfless on the outside, and indignant and sad on the inside. I found a way out through the practice of vulnerability…and then I fell off the vulnerability wagon.

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